The phrase “married single mom” has become a popular way for women to describe their experience of feeling unsupported by their husbands or partners in the parenting journey. It’s typically used to convey frustration or a sense of emotional or physical neglect as if the woman is raising her children alone even though she’s married.
While it may seem like an expression of personal hardship, calling yourself a “married single mom” is problematic for several reasons—not least of which is that it can be deeply offensive to actual single moms.
In this blog post, we’ll explore why the phrase “married single mom” is not only misleading but also disrespectful to women who are genuinely navigating life as single parents. Let’s dive into why you should reconsider using this term.
1. Single Moms Face Unique Challenges That Shouldn’t Be Minimized
The first and most important reason not to use the term “married single mom” is that it undermines the very real, unique struggles that single mothers face every day. Raising children on your own, without the support of a partner—whether by choice or circumstance—comes with enormous emotional, financial, and physical challenges.
For single moms, the responsibilities of parenting don’t just involve doing the work; they are often doing it with fewer resources and without a backup partner to share the load.
Calling yourself a “married single mom” in a relationship where your partner is physically present, even if emotionally distant, implies that the struggles of a single mother are merely a form of inconvenience or imbalance in marriage.
This oversimplifies and downplays the intensity of single motherhood. A single mother doesn’t have the luxury of relying on another parent in moments of exhaustion or difficulty. She is truly the sole provider and caretaker, and to compare that experience to a married woman feeling unsupported minimizes the gravity of single motherhood.
2. It Perpetuates a False Comparison
The phrase “married single mom” often arises from feelings of frustration—when one partner feels that the other isn’t pulling their weight, emotionally or physically. While it’s perfectly valid to be frustrated with an unsupportive spouse, equating your experience to that of an actual single mom perpetuates a false comparison that does not take into account the fundamental differences in the two situations.
Even in marriages where one partner is emotionally absent or uninvolved, a “married single mom” still has the option of shared financial resources, cohabitation, and, in some cases, even the occasional help from extended family.
Single mothers, on the other hand, are often left without the safety net of a second income, a built-in support system, or the option to “tag out” and take a break by passing the baton to a partner. The weight of everything falls squarely on their shoulders, and to compare this to the experience of a woman who is still married but dissatisfied with the partnership is disrespectful.
3. The Term Disrespects Single Mothers Who Are Truly Alone
Single mothers are doing the work of two parents—sometimes while holding down jobs, managing finances, handling logistics, and often coping with the emotional toll of doing it all alone. They don’t get to share responsibilities, whether those are day-to-day chores or big decisions.
When you call yourself a “married single mom,” you are effectively trivializing the sacrifices and challenges that come with being a single parent.
While every situation is different, it’s important to recognize the lived experiences of single mothers who may have faced divorce, abandonment, or the death of a partner. For them, “single mom” isn’t just a label—it’s a reality that comes with very real struggles.
To casually adopt that term when you still have the presence of a partner—even if they’re not fully engaged—diminishes the lived experience of single mothers who truly have no one else to rely on.
4. It Perpetuates the Myth of the “Supermom”
The phrase “married single mom” also feeds into the larger societal myth of the “supermom,” or the idea that women should be able to juggle it all—work, kids, housework, personal relationships—without dropping the ball.
When you identify as a “married single mom,” it can give the impression that you’re trying to do everything on your own, even though you do have a partner who could share in the responsibilities if they chose to.
In reality, no one can or should do everything alone. The “supermom” myth is damaging because it sets an impossible standard for women. It suggests that you must not only balance work and family life but also do it flawlessly, without showing weakness or asking for help.
When you call yourself a “married single mom,” it contributes to that myth, as it implies that you are “handling it all” despite having a partner who, while perhaps not fulfilling his role, still exists in the picture.
This myth is harmful because it perpetuates the expectation that women should just soldier through difficult situations without seeking help, without advocating for themselves, and without asking for change.
It doesn’t acknowledge that both parents should share in the responsibility of raising children. In fact, it might even make it harder to address the underlying issues of imbalance in a marriage, because the “single mom” label implies that you are already managing on your own, even when you shouldn’t have to.
5. It Diverts Attention from the Real Issue: Relationship Imbalance
Rather than focusing on the term “married single mom,” it’s more constructive to address the actual issue—whether that’s a lack of emotional or physical support from your spouse. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities because your partner isn’t contributing equally, it’s critical to have an open and honest conversation about the problem.
Labeling your situation with a term that implies single motherhood can make it more difficult to have this conversation because it allows both partners to avoid confronting the deeper issues within the marriage.
Instead of clinging to the phrase “married single mom,” it’s better to focus on concrete actions you can take to resolve the imbalance. This might involve therapy, couples counseling, or simply having a heart-to-heart about your needs.
These steps can help you and your partner reconnect and address the root of the issue, rather than perpetuating a negative, unproductive narrative that ultimately harms both you and your relationship.
6. What to Do Instead
If you feel unsupported in your marriage, it’s essential to address the issue directly and constructively. Here are a few healthier alternatives to calling yourself a “married single mom”:
- Communicate openly with your partner about how you’re feeling and the ways in which you need support. Use specific language to avoid the trap of generalizations. For example, “I feel like I’m handling most of the household responsibilities, and I need your help with X, Y, and Z.”
- Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor to address relationship dynamics and ensure that both partners are actively engaged in the parenting process.
- Find additional support from friends, family, or even community resources. It’s okay to ask for help, and relying on a support system can alleviate some of the burden without framing your experience as “single mom” when you are, in fact, married.
Conclusion
Calling yourself a “married single mom” might seem like an easy way to vent frustration, but it’s a term that does a disservice to both you and to actual single mothers. It oversimplifies your situation, detracts from the issues at hand, and diminishes the hard work and sacrifices of those who are truly raising children on their own.
Instead of adopting a label that minimizes the experience of others, focus on communicating openly with your partner, seeking help, and addressing the imbalance in your relationship head-on. Not only will this help resolve the issues you’re facing, but it will also foster a more supportive and balanced environment for you and your children
Keep Reading:
- How To Survive As A Newly Single Mom
- Co-Parenting While In A Relationship
- How To Survive Financially As a Single Mom
- Taking Care of a Newborn Alone as a Single Mom
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