Becoming a newly single mom can seem impossible. But you can not only survive as a single mom, you can thrive as one! Here is your survival guide to get you through those first few months as a single mom.
The thought of becoming a newly single mom was scary to me!
Before I got a divorce, I did everything I could to keep my marriage together so that I didn’t become a single mom. Including staying in a toxic relationship far longer than I should have.
Being a single mom come with all sorts of fears. How will you make enough money to support your kids? How will you do this all on your own?
I used to think that if my daughter was raised by a single mom, she would be one of those unruly teens on Jerry Springer.
But it came to a point where I couldn’t put it off any longer, and I had no choice but to start over as a single mom with a newborn baby (and a dog… I would never leave her behind!)
Becoming a Newly Single Mom Can Be Scary
A thousand thoughts run through your mind when you become a newly single mom.
Questions about how you are going to survive financially (See Related: How to Survive As a Single Mom)
And questions about how you are going to survive mentally. Can you handle being a single mom? Can you run a household AND raise kids all on your own? Are you going to be lonely and sad for the rest of your life?
To be perfectly honest, I can’t tell you if you will survive fianncacly or whether or not you will be lonely and sad. That is all going to depend on you.
What I can tell you, is that it is 100% possible to be happy, fulfilled, and financially independent as a single mom if YOU work to get yourself there.
Getting there isn’t as hard as you think. Becoming a newly single mom seemed like the scariest thing in the world to me… but now it’s become something I love and enjoy.
You can get there too! Here are some of my best tips on how t survive as a newly single mom… think of it as your single mom survival guide!
Single Mom Survival Guide
The best part about becoming a single mom, is seeing how truly strong you are. I hear people’s excuses for things and I constantly think to myself “If I could do it, anyone can!”
Being a single mom made me independent, taught me how to run a household, raise a kid, and become financially independent.
There are days I look back and think I might never have become the person who could do all that if I wasn’t a single mom.
Here’s how I survived being a single mom and you can too…
1 – Give Yourself Time to Freak Out
Some of my friends say this is the best advice I gave when they too became a single mom.
You’re gonna freak out. And it’s Ok. Allow yourself to freak out, or to grief. Just don’t let it last forever.
Give yourself a timeline. maybe you need a day, maybe you need a week. But anything more than that will be too hard to pull yourself out of. You have kids to take care of and a life to get back to.
So give yourself a day to cry, scream, freak out, curse… whatever you need to do! Eat ice cream and burn things. But when that day is up, that’s it. It’s time to put your big girl panties on and move on with your life.
2 – Take It One Day At a Time
The problem we face as single moms is trying to plan for an entire future by ourselves. And that can be really overwhelming!
The best thing you can do for yourself when you become a newly single mom is to just take one day at a time.
Don’t worry about the next several years. Don’t even worry about the next several months or weeks. Worry about today.
Do whatever you need to do to get through TODAY.
And then tomorrow, you wake up and do whatever you need to do to get through that day.
Setting these small and attainable goals will put a lot less stress on you and give you a much better chance of moving on.
Before you know it, you’re making plans for next month or next year and you didn’t even notice it!
3 – Don’t Set Expectations
Before my divorce was even finalized, I knew I wanted to get remarried and have more kids. It made life as a single mom miserable.
I tried online dating, I asked friends to set me up, I went to Home Depot to just ‘stroll around’. Nothing worked.
I saw other families and got really depressed wondering why I didn’t have that. I felt like something was wrong with me or that I was being punished for something I did in a past life.
Setting those expectations on myself made me miss the really good things in my life. The things that eventually led me to LOVING being a single mom.
So don’t give yourself any expectations for a long time. Learn to accept your situation. So whatever comes is a bonus, but not an expectation that could just let you down.
Chance are you’ve had enough let-downs in your life. Don’t be the one letting yourself down too.
4 – Learn To Let Go of the Little Things
You’re gonna have a lot on your plate as a newly single mom. You probably already know this. And you’re probably not to happy I just pointed this out.
But the reason
When I become a single mom, I found it really hard to manage my time. I would get my daughter her dinner, give her a bath, go through the whole nightly routine… all by myself.
And then when she was finally asleep, I would come out to the kitchen and have to clean up from dinner, clean up the house, finish the chores. And I used to think “This is so unfair. Most parents have a partner do one thing while the other parent is taking care of the kids.”
But fair or not, I had to find a way to either get it done, or go insane.
Eventually, I sat back and decided to slack on the housework a bit. I needed some Me-Time. After all, no one even came to visit me. So who was I cleaning this house for so much?!?!
Cut yourself some slack!
Let the dishes pile up. Let the laundry go unfolded for a few days. don’t worry about going to the gym.
This is true with friends and family in your life too. You don’t need to say yes to every party invite, or every request to hang out. Learn how to set some boundaries and say NO!
5-Find a Support System
When I went through my divorce, I was one of the first of my friends to do so. I even remember they through me a divorce party and it was ALL COUPLES! I was the only single person at my divorce party.
How depressing is that?!?!?
Finding other single moms was one of the single best things I could have done.
Single moms not only understand the need for help when it comes to daycare or babysitting, they understand things most couples never could.
Like the sadness you feel when
Or when your daughter gets straight A’s and you have no-one to celebrate with.
Other single moms understand the struggles of making ends meet, or fighting with your ex. Finding the right support system is crucial to surviving as a single mom.
(Tip: Facebook has tons of single mom groups where you can just post and vent or meet up with other single moms in your area)
6 – Learn To Love Your Alone Time
One of the things I love the most about being a single mom is my alone time!
People as if I am lonely and the truth is that yes, sometimes I am. But I was lonely in my marriage too. Just in a different way.
But what I do have as a single mom is time to myself (which most parents don’t get at all).
My daughter went to her dads every other weekend. I see moms complain about this or cry about not seeing their kids for 2 days. But the reality is, this is your time, Mama!
This is what some of my Saturday’s looked like when I became a single mom:
- Sleep in late
- Enjoy a cup of coffee on the couch in silence
- Run errands (slowly walk through Target by myself!)
- Have lunch with a friend
- Take an afternoon nap
- Grab my favorie takeout and eating on the couch while watching my shows UNITERUPTED!
How does a night like this not sound like heaven?!?
But for all you moms who do have their kids all the time and no break, it’s super inportant to make that alone time for yourself and enjoy it, even if it’s after the kids go to bed.
As my daughter got older, I started dating her. I took her to restaurants I wanted to go to, we went on weekend getaways… I had more fun with her than any relationship I had been in!
7- Learn To Believe That Your Kids Will Be Fine!
I used to think I wouldn’t be enough for my daughter. Or that I’m breaking up her home and she’ll never know what its like to have parents together. I worried she would have issues with men or become a difficult teenager.
What I wish I could have gone back in time and told myself… she will be fine!
Kids are so resilient. They don’t need perfect lives (what is perfect anyway?!?!)
I grew up in a 2 parents household with a sister and a dog in middle class American. And let me tell you, I still have issues.
No life is perfect, no family is 100% ideal. The life I have with just my daughter and I is a happier one than the life I had growing up.
Stop stressing about ‘damaging’ your kids. As long as you are a loving, attentive, and kind parent, THEY WILL BE FINE!
Keep Reading: Raise Happier Kids By Creating a Happier Home
Keep Reading: 20 Easy Ways To Be a Fun Mom
Surviving As a Single Mom is all About your Mindset!
Your duties as a single mom are different than any other mom in the world. you just have to do them on your own now.
Which sometimes I sit back and listen to moms complain about their husbands not helping and how they have to clean up after them too and I actually think to myself… I’m really lucky I only have my daughter to take care of!
I know the challenges of being a single mom.
And I know how scary it can seem.
I became a single mom when my daughter was 6 weeks old. And I recently moved to a new state and had no family and no friends. I literally had no one. But every day I put one foot in front of the other and figured it out.
And now, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. I love the
And there’s no doubt in my mind that you can do it too.
It’s all about your mindset and believing you can!
And pretty soon, you’ll realize that being a newly single mom isn’t that bad after all.
You got this, Mama!
Follow my Single Mom Parenting Tips Board on PINTEREST for more tips on thriving as a single mom!
You Might Also Be Interested In:
- How To Survive Financially As A Single Mom
- Caring For a Newborn Alone As a Single Mom
- Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce
- How To Have a Successful Co-Parenting Relationship
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You made a good point that it’s important to also consider making time to meet friends to take a break from parenting. I’m interested in looking for a good blog that can help single mothers because my husband unfortunately passed away two years ago. Until now, I’m still trying to figure out how to be the best mom that I could be for my daughter.